How to Change Self-Limiting Beliefs According to Psychology

How many times have you written yourself off or passed up opportunities due to beliefs like these:

“I’m too old to do that.”

“There’s no way I’m qualified to apply for this job.”

“I can’t go talk to him — he’s out of my league!”

Whether you’re questioning your credentials when applying for a job or balking at the chance to strike up a conversation with someone good-looking, your apprehensions may be highlighting something about your self-beliefs.

False and self-limiting beliefs can stifle progress toward achieving goals or prevent us from living our ideal lives. Thankfully, a core component of many psychological treatments involves helping us to undo these unhelpful beliefs, so that we can start living life to the fullest.

This article will explore the different origins of false and self-limiting beliefs and three therapeutic treatment options to help overcome them.

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What are False and Self-Limiting Beliefs?

While there is no universally agreed-upon definition of false and self-limiting beliefs, there are plenty of examples in the popular press to inform our thinking.

In an exploration of barriers to the world of business, Blackman (2018) writes that self-limiting beliefs are:

“… assumptions or perceptions that you’ve got about yourself and about the way the world works. These assumptions are ‘self-limiting’ because in some way they’re holding you back from achieving what you are capable of.”

Blackman (2018)

Looking at research, we may also consider the closely related notion of maladaptive beliefs, which are central foci for treatment in many forms of cognitive-behavioral therapy.

Boden and colleagues (2012) note that these beliefs have the potential to be:

 “central to one’s identity… negatively biased, inaccurate, and rigid.”

Boden et al. (2012, p. 287)

Taken together, we can consider false or self-limiting beliefs to be negative, potentially difficult to change, and somehow preventing us from achieving our goals or being as happy as we could be.

How False and Self-Limiting Beliefs Develop

False and self-limiting beliefs often take root in early childhood, shaped by the messages we receive from caregivers, peers, and our environment.

Two widely used frameworks—those of schema therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)—offer helpful perspectives on how these beliefs form and influence us later in life.

Self-Limiting Beliefs From a Schema Perspective

Schemas are stable and enduring themes that develop during childhood and/or adolescence and are elaborated throughout one’s lifetime (Schema Therapy Institute Australia, 2016). They are profound, persistent ways of thinking and feeling about the world and ourselves that can be thought of as “life patterns” (Young et al., 2006).

According to schema therapists, when basic emotional needs like acceptance, safety, and love are not regularly satisfied during childhood, maladaptive schemas will begin to emerge (McAdams et al., 2017). These schemas eventually develop into mental shortcuts that influence how we perceive novel situations.

Examples of such maladaptive schemas are:

• I am unlovable;
• I must be perfect to be accepted; and
• The world is a terrifying place.

Self-limiting schemas such as these will trickle down to affect our beliefs relevant to specific situations we face in life (Borders & Archadel, 1987).

For example, imagine a single woman named Haylee who is considering approaching an attractive man in a bar.

Growing up, her parents frequently compared her to her sister: Haylee was “the brains,” while her sister was “the beauty.” While not intended as cruel, these messages seeded a schema of defectiveness/unattractiveness.

In the present day, Haylee hesitates to approach the man at the bar—not because of her actual appearance, but because her schema automatically tells her she isn’t attractive enough. Despite the encouragement of her friends, who are assuring Haylee she looks great, she cannot shake the feeling that she will be rejected based on her looks.

This is because schemas, once activated, feel like absolute truths. But recognizing them as old patterns rather than accurate reflections of the present opens the door to change.

Self-Limiting Beliefs From a CBT Perspective

A CBT perspective on self-limiting beliefs focuses on how such beliefs lead to automatic thoughts and actions in day-to-day living (Beck, 2011).

Broad, universal statements about oneself, such as “I’m capable” or “I’m unworthy,” are examples of core beliefs. Although these beliefs frequently exist outside of our awareness, they influence the assumptions we make in particular circumstances.

For example, the core belief “I’m not attractive” would account for Haylee’s hesitancy at the bar. The automatic thought “He’ll reject me” and the avoidance behavior of avoiding contact are triggered by this belief.

Overall, schemas are considered more ingrained than the cognitive distortions treated with CBT. Whereas schemas are ingrained life patterns, CBT focuses on recognizing, evaluating, and progressively reorganizing fundamental beliefs to lessen their influence over present decisions.

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy for False or Self-Limiting Beliefs

Now that we have a better understanding of false and self-limiting beliefs, let’s look at some of the different therapeutic options for combating them, starting with Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).

REBT has existed since the 1950s and is targeted at helping patients identify negative or irrational thought patterns that affect their behaviors (Albert Ellis Institute, 2014). Given this focus, it is a particularly well-suited treatment option for those struggling with false or self-limiting beliefs.

At the foundation of REBT is what is known as the ABC model. Using this model, REBT can help clients surface, trace, and challenge a range of self-limiting beliefs.

To illustrate, let’s consider another example.

Tom recently submitted a report for his boss to review. The following day, he receives the report back via email, and notices his boss has written many comments and made many changes.

Before looking at the feedback closely, Tom feels sad and worthless and experiences negative thoughts about his capabilities relative to his colleagues.

In reality, the feedback and adjustments made to Tom’s report may include a combination of useful and constructive suggestions for improving his work, as well as compliments on what he did well. Despite this, Tom has prematurely succumbed to false beliefs about his abilities.

We can track Tom’s experience of receiving his report using REBT’s ABC model as follows (Dryden, 2012):

• A is the (a)ctivating event that triggers negative thoughts. In this example, the activating event was Tom receiving the feedback from his boss.
• B is the false or irrational (b)elief that is formed following the activating event. In this example, Tom’s potentially false belief is that he is ineffective at his job.
• C is the (c)onsequence that flows from the irrational thoughts. In this example, the consequence is Tom’s experience of sadness, worthlessness, and ineffectiveness.

It is not hard to see how we can become the authors of our own misery when activating events trigger false or self-limiting beliefs unnecessarily.

Thankfully, REBT practitioners draw on a range of techniques to help interrupt the false and self-limiting beliefs that may flow from any of these three stages.

For instance, therapists can teach their clients strategies to address activating events (a), such as problem-solving skills or mindfulness exercises, to interrupt or bring attention to initial negative thoughts.

To address the irrational beliefs (b), therapists will often teach cognitive restructuring techniques (discussed next in relation to cognitive-behavioral therapy). And to address the consequences (c), such as negative emotions, they may teach relaxation or techniques to self-soothe.

For example, an REBT therapist might work with Tom to recognize when he is prematurely getting swept up in negative thoughts by teaching him to practice mindful awareness. That is, the therapist can teach Tom to catch himself having premature reactions to thoughts before a strong emotional response (c) sets in.

Doing so would serve to rectify the activating event (a) and hopefully spare Tom much unnecessary misery.

Cognitive Restructuring for False or Self-Limiting Beliefs

False and self-limiting beliefs often fall under the umbrella of cognitive distortions tackled via CBT.

Among these distortions are the acts of disqualifying positive events, overgeneralizing, and mind reading.

To tackle these, therapists will draw on a range of CBT techniques that facilitate cognitive restructuring (or cognitive reframing). These approaches form a core part of many CBT approaches that consider and amend how we attend, interpret, reason, reflect, and make sense of events (Mansell, 2008).

There are many different cognitive restructuring techniques, which you can read more about in our dedicated article. Here, we will consider one technique particularly relevant to addressing false and self-limiting beliefs—namely, Socratic questioning.

Socratic questioning of beliefs

Socratic questioning involves asking ourselves a series of focused, open-ended questions that encourage us to reflect on our thoughts (Clark & Egan, 2015). By doing this, we challenge black-and-white thinking and ensure that our thoughts are based on sound logic before allowing them to dictate our emotions and behaviors.

Examples of effective Socratic questions include:

• What is the evidence for this thought?
• Could I be making any assumptions here?
• Is this thought based on an emotional reaction or the evidence in front of me?

To illustrate the effectiveness of Socratic questioning, let’s return to the example of Haylee in the bar.

In this situation, Haylee might catch herself having doubts about her appearance and begin reflecting on them critically. For instance, she might pause to ask herself whether her judgments about her appearance are really accurate. In doing so, she might consider the evidence for and against and recall her friends telling her how nice she looks.

She might also stop to consider whether she is making preconceived assumptions about the man’s preferences, what his impression of her will be, or whether his opinion of her is even that important.

Turning to Tom and his report, he might pause to ask whether there is really any evidence that he is underperforming at his job and produced poor work or whether this is an assumption based on an emotional reaction.

Most CBT therapists will be skilled at Socratic questioning and can teach this technique to their clients struggling with false or self-limiting beliefs. They may also draw on the techniques of positive CBT, a narrower sub-discipline of CBT, when the aim of an intervention is specifically to replace clients’ self-limiting beliefs with more positive interpretations.

Schema Therapy for False or Self-Limiting Beliefs

When false or self-limiting beliefs are deep and difficult to change, clients may benefit from undergoing schema therapy.

Schema therapy works to address the early maladaptive schemas previously discussed. Given how enduring schemas are, this form of therapy tends to be medium- to long-term in duration (Schema Therapy Institute Australia, 2016).

Deeply ingrained ideas about our self-esteem and self-image may be responsible for false or self-limiting beliefs in specific situations. Therefore, schema therapy helps clients to access and revise these deeply held schemas.

Examples of such schemas include (Young & Brown, 2005):

Subjugation — the belief that you must submit to others’ control or else risk punishment.
Punitiveness — the belief that you and others should be punished harshly for their mistakes.
Failure — the deeply held expectation that you will fail or never perform well enough.

If we return to the examples of Tom and Haylee, Tom’s immediate assumption that his report was not up to scratch may have derived from a long-standing schema of failure. This schema may have been established based on the harsh feedback he received from a cruel teacher growing up.

Regarding Haylee, her unwillingness to approach the man at the bar may stem from the schema of defectiveness, which is the belief that you are flawed, damaged, or unlovable and will therefore be rejected. Again, this schema may have been established due to the comparisons made between her and her sister by her parents.

Schema therapists will apply a range of techniques to help clients overcome maladaptive schemas, which can help reduce the root cause of self-limiting beliefs. These Schema Therapy techniques can include empathic confrontation and limited re-parenting, just to name a few.

Top 3 TED Talk Videos

Here are three of our favorite videos that explore the science and psychology of false and self-limiting beliefs.

Helpful Resources From PositivePsychology.com

We have many resources for coaches and therapists to support clients in overcoming false and self-limiting beliefs.

To begin, take a look at the following helpful articles:

• Schema Therapy in Practice: 12 Worksheets & Techniques
• Cognitive Restructuring Techniques for Reframing Thoughts
• 5 Self-Sabotaging Worksheets For Your Clients

For some helpful free resources, take a look at the following worksheets:

• Challenging Self-Limiting Thoughts
  This worksheet is designed for use with school-aged students to help them uncover self-limiting beliefs, examine the evidence behind them, and reflect on how these beliefs affect their lives.
• Explore Maladaptive Modes
  Using a series of reflective prompts, this worksheet helps clients understand the roots of maladaptive schemas that may be driving self-limiting behavior in the present day.
• Core Beliefs CBT Formulation
  Clients can use this worksheet to help them explore the thoughts and emotions that surface in specific situations, then trace them back to potential underlying self-limiting core beliefs.

More extensive versions of the following activities are available with a subscription to the Positive Psychology Toolkit©, but they are described briefly below:

• The Beyond Limitation Question Technique
  Help clients discover their deepest values, free from the constraints of their self-limiting beliefs.

Try asking your clients the following types of questions:

• • What would you do if you won the lottery tomorrow?
  • What would you do if you were free from fear?
  • What have you always wanted to do but life always got in the way, or you held yourself back?
• Identifying Limiting Beliefs About Personal Strengths
  Help clients uncover false or limiting beliefs about their strengths that may be holding back their use and expression.

Try out the following three steps:

• • Step one: Have clients identify a signature strength.
  • Step two: Explore the client’s limiting beliefs regarding this strength. For instance, clients may feel that it is boastful to use this strength or that there are limited ways they can apply it in daily life.
  • Step three: Explore the negative consequences of these beliefs on their feelings, behavior, and self-image.

If you’re looking for more science-based ways to help others enhance their wellbeing, this signature collection contains 17 validated positive psychology tools for practitioners. Use them to help others flourish and thrive.

A Take-Home Message

Whether we realize it or not, we all take on unconscious beliefs about what we can and cannot achieve in our lives. These beliefs risk preventing us from overcoming obstacles or limiting the amount of happiness we can expect from life.

As you’ve now discovered, there is thankfully a range of well-established psychological approaches to combating self-limiting beliefs. These can help us whether our beliefs lie at the surface or are deeply ingrained in our sense of self.

Most importantly, remember that it is never too late to rewrite our beliefs to be more empowering, thereby clearing a path toward the achievement of our greatest goals.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our five positive psychology tools for free.